The flying looser

A lot of people enjoy flying. Well, I don’t.

My friend Cindy suggested that I write an article with tips on how to make a flight enjoyable. But when you spend the equivalent of a third of the year on planes, you know perfectly well that a pleasant flight does not exist.

Even if you fly in business class with Turkish Airlines, your skin always ends up dehydrated; you always have a stomach ache because you ate your meal in the blink of an eye, you’re necessarily never comfortable enough to recover from a 2/3-hour line-up for border checks and you’re obviously pissed off when you get off the plane and approach your parents to kiss them, bad breath as a bonus.

And we’re not gonna talk about that damn cabin bag that took you two hours to close when you sat on it with your sister and that they’re gonna have you open up on arrival to make sure you didn’t stash a bomb in it.

Let’s forget those naps on the ground that you hit after you couldn’t leave because of a drop in blood pressure five minutes from takeoff, or a late flight that made you miss your connecting flight… Anyway.

We agree that movie scenes where the character comes down from the plane, fresh looking, doesn’t exist. The character in the movie looks at the horizon, stress-free, wearing Ray Ban sunglasses, while YOU get out of the plane with a suitcase heavier than you + a handbag + your Duty free purchases + your headband pillow (we love it 👌) + the blanket you stole from the airline (because you never know 🤷‍♀️).

The instagrammers who sit on a corner of their suitcase in front of the airport with 20 cm Louboutin feet remind me of characters from a novel by Boris Vian.

When I arrive at the airport, I’m almost always in a bad mood because I had to get up at 4:00 in the morning, I’m almost always dressed in pajamas because I had to get up at the time normal people usually sleep, and I’m still in a foul mood since I hit more than an hour by bus to get to the airport (welcome to megalopolis!) and that I will (again) have to carry my three suitcases.

So, definitly, I don’t like flying 😊.

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